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Local Student Has Now Opened Same Lecture PDF Eleven Times Without Reading A Single Word
JIMMY "RABBITS" WARREN | STUDY DESK
A second-year science student has today confirmed he has opened the same 84-slide lecture PDF a total of eleven times across the past nine days, each session lasting an average of four minutes and resulting in zero retained information.
Sources close to the 20-year-old report a consistent pattern: he opens the file with great intention, scrolls confidently to slide 30, experiences what he describes as "a deep tiredness in my whole body," and closes the document to "rest his eyes."
"I've basically read it heaps of times," the student said, gesturing at a laptop displaying slide 30, where it has remained open since Tuesday. "Like, I've definitely seen all of it."
When pressed on what slide 61 contained, the student grew quiet. Slide 61, viewed by this publication, reads in its entirety: "see whiteboard." The whiteboard in question was wiped clean in week 4 and no longer exists.
The student maintains he is "across the content" on the basis that several phrases now look familiar to him. Cognitive science researchers have repeatedly pointed out that recognising a phrase is not the same as knowing it — a distinction the student is expected to discover for himself in a large hall on Thursday.
At time of press, he had opened the PDF a twelfth time and immediately searched YouTube for someone to explain it instead.
It was put to the student that the same PDF could have been fed into QUIXME, which would have read all 84 slides and generated questions that forced him to actually find out whether he knew anything — a process that takes minutes and works whether or not slide 61 makes sense. The student said that sounded "honestly really good" and that he would "do it tonight for sure," before opening the PDF a thirteenth time and scrolling to slide 30.